I write, not as an expression of Misery...but to bare my Soul to those who wish to see...I walk before you upon your thorns of criticism...grateful for an occassional Rose.
MY LIFE IS A SERIES OF WRONG DECISIONS, NEAR MISSES AND CRAZY LOGIC..I AM HOPING TO STUMBLE ON THE RIGHT COURSE OF ACTION SOON
excerp:
SEDUCE MY MIND AND YOU CAN HAVE MY BODY....FIND MY SOUL AND I'M YOURS FOREVER...
Okay, so I'm a frustrated wannabe writer. An incurable romantic who persists in being a cynic, a ladylike tomboy and an adult who lives her life in fairy tales. A walking contradiction and a bundle of nerves. If you don't like what you read here then , borrowing a line from Spike of BtVS....If they're no good ...please they're only words but the feelings behind them are real.
ME
FOOLISH Girl Your head is up in the clouds again, That birds build their nests upon your hair.
UNREMARKABLE Girl People forgot your name once more, They pass you in the hall and see nothing at all.
WEIRD Girl They are looking strangely your way, Did you open up your mouth and didn't watch what you say?
SPECIAL Girl They just didn't see the light inside you The wealth that is inside your heart The wit that you tried hard to hide The dreams that sets you apart.
Offer me my dreams, My Love.
I was in a funk the whole day today, which I’d rather not expound on because once I start I may go ranting on and on and on….ugh you might stop reading before I would even get to my point…which I have ( a point I mean…ok what ev…) But anyway if you insist. I mean I can’t hardly believe that just a few months ago I was earning a five digit salary and enjoying all the benefit it entails ( I MISS YOU STARBUCKS! ) and now I’m trying to get by with a salary that doesn’t even come half to what I used to earn with twice the load ( My aircon-induced fair skin…where hath you gone????, I haven’t even seen the beach the whole summer and yet its as if I have burned myself to cinders walking under this unmerciful heat!) but catering to the same breed of imbeciles!( No offense meant…just ranting here ). The only difference is I now have to deal with them in person instead of just talking to them on the phone (can I put you on mute? Or on hold till forever?). I now don’t only have to put a false smile on my voice…I now have to look like I mean it (can I kiss your large ass boss?, can I lick your heels and look adoringly on your medically rearranged face ma’am?) not to mention I am terribly missing my incomparable friends in Cebu (Luv yah!). sheeesh, bitterness on the roll….but that was not my point…I’ll get back to my story now. As I was saying, I was in a funk the whole day (zip) and was looking for a worthwhile diversion ( I also needed a strong drink….whisky anyone?, a latte will do just fine) so I texted my best friend since forever to ask for a sympathetic ear and a little bit of her overstuffed timetable to listen to my woes (she’s way past the last throes of falling in love and is already diving heedlessly, headlong helplessly, willingly and ecstatically on the precipice of romantic bliss, so she’s safe from the wave of sinister animosity emanating from my persona ( I know that was redundant)). I plan on infecting her with the caffeine addiction I am happily wallowing in and drag her to my gothic world by asking her to watch this super sappy film and torture her with my cynical side comments as I laugh maliciously at the acting skills (or lack thereof) of the actors. But I did not know humble pie was in the menu tonight for when I was preparing all those snide remarks guaranteed to strike to the bone and rub sorely on her patience when I got this tingling sensation (oh please!) and a silly smile keeps appearing on my face as scene after scene of exuberant young love and a mirror image of life unfolded before me on the screen (Can this be Love?) and the part where Ryan cried for his lost love…well…it made me realize I still got a heart (what is it with gorgeous guys, crying about love that makes my breath catch in my lungs?, and the fact that he reminds me of someone I would rather forget). Not to mention that scene where Ryan was chasing Daisy/Hea on the street when she accidentally fell down a manhole! That was hilarious (ok so I AM SHALLOW!)*Sigh* So here I am trudging home…letting my imagination run amok about love and life and dungeons and dragons and castles and knights and valiant princes and jaded princesses who can take care of themselves and happily ever afters. It made me realize that whatever takes place happy endings do happen…they may not be right now…but they would be there when the time is right. I just need to keep my trust in Him and remain strong and do a giant leap of faith. So there!
Almost all art here are borrowed from www.enchanted-art.com...visit it sometime.
Who are you and what have you done to my best friend???
Okay, just because you are married and have a family now doesn't mean you have become a holier than thou fountain of wisdom.
I mean come on, I understand you have different priorities now, but please don't play up the I-can't-understand-because-I'm-single-kind-of-crap. It just irritates the hell out of me. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I value my job any less. I might still be willing to take some chances and decisions but that does not mean I don't panic with the thought that I may lose my job. Come on!
I still consider you my best friend and I value your opinion but please, PLEASE do not act as if you have been handed the keys to the universe just because you found yourself a husband and have two kids. I'm happy that your happy but please, your no Einstein of life because of that.
I have been wallowing in the feeling of being deeply infatuated and slightly obsessed with a certain Japanese actor...I have made a decision...I WILL MARRY THAT GUY and there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.
Where was I this past few months...I don't know...maybe LIMBO?
I have been restless, lost and strangely been in a stand still for a couple of months.
Now though the winds of adventure is upon me again...I am scared, exhilarated and totally anticipating this MOVE....
I pray that this decision is still within his grand scheme of things...I pray I am not being misled by the voice of the North Wind within my soul...that the vagrant desires I have is not overpowering my judgment....
Help! I am in the verge of burning out and I haven't been a year here.
I am happy that they trust me and consider me a part of the team but I am feeling that they have given me too much weight and I could not carry it all.
Give me strenght Lord to weather through as long as I can and hopefully will have a break on this pressure soon.
I am sorry for being weak and letting myself go. Help me be eternally vigilant with how I carry myself.
20/01/08
I am tired now of this place of this point in my life. I fell out of love. Is it the nomad in me or is this place taking too much out of me. Well not really this place. I remember what John Eldredge said. My dream job is turning out to be a punishment. This is not something I signed up for.
23/01/08
I am so tired. I have been going home late, coming in early. Working on weekends. I think about leaving but the months of effort I put into this and seeing the company growing makes me think twice about leaving.
We started out not having a proper office. Where we all sat in one small room in a small conference table with our laptops and whatnots. I have seen this company at its humble beginnings and now we have a proper office, we have a lease on another office on the other side of town and this current office will also be extended. Most of the negotiations have been finalized and we are now counting the days until we the ball will start to roll. This is so amazing! But I could not remove the fact that I AM TIRED. They kept hiring people for higher management and kept adding people who are relying more and more on me. I have slim shoulders and I could not carry all the responsibility!!!!!
Lord, forgive me for my pride in thinking I can do it. Why am I carrying all this weight. I trust you Lord with all my burdens. I will walk content and free knowing you are carrying me in your shoulders. I do not have to rely on my strenght and capabilities. You alone are God and I await your glory.
(hey, i'm not here so leave a message) met her at our last show. i know, i know. it's not a good idea. i just had to take a chance. i can't, i can't. defend myself against her pretty face.
i get all flustered, and my heart begins to race. by the time the night was all through i gave up my digits to you.
you don't have to play these waiting games. you don't have to be afraid of me. i'm just a guy who's got nothing to do. if i'm gonna do nothing, i might as well do it with you.
so, it's been a few days. okay, okay. i'm not bullying about it. but if she doesn't call. at all, at all. then, i guess i'll be spending time alone. just because she wouldn't call me on my phone. so, i'm hoping by the time the night is through, my line will be tied up by you.
you've got my cellphone number, but you haven't called you've got it for a reason so, if you're teasing me, make that call.
you don't have to play these waiting games. you don't have to be afraid of me. i'm just a guy who's got nothing to do. if i'm gonna do nothing, i might as well do it with you.
you've got my cellphone number, but you haven't called you've got it for a reason so, if you're teasing me, make that call.
